My Top 5 Weirdest First Liners From People I Just Met

When meeting new people, we can agree that we tend to follow a series of standand questions/statements. Small talk basically. Where you’re from, what you do and so on. The problem some people have arises from the dilemma where they’ve exhausted all possible opening remarks and strive for what to say to continue the conversation in the same lively vein.

Now I appreciate those individuals that manage to bypass the usual niceties and surprise me with intriguing one liners. Be it cheesy or full of wit, as long as it’s unique and respectful, you’re guaranteed to get a positive response. However, there are times where they, inadvertently or not, overstep the mark and get your hackles up. Let’s go through my top 5, shall we?

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1.‘YOUR MOTHER KNOWS ME’

This one has to be 1st and it has to be the loudest. WHAT DOES MY MOTHER HAVE TO DO WITH ANYTHING? Imagine meeting a guy for the 1st time and going, ‘Your dad and I know each other’. If that doesn’t say creepy, I don’t know what does. Lord, I can feel my inner pettiness rising. You’re getting to know ME. Don’t go off about my mother, or any of my other family members for that matter without establishing a common link with ME 1st.

P.S: My mum appreciates your support


2. ‘I WANT TO TASTE YOU’.

Fuckboy, Fuckboy and, say it with me, Fuckboy. Don’t get me wrong, there’s nothing bad about a guy being honest about only wanting to be intimate, BUT GET TO KNOW ME FIRST. DAMN. You can not use this as a opening statement for someone you just met. It’s not cute, it’s not sexy and frankly my mind would shut off at this point because I wouldn’t take you seriously. Keep your taste buds in check hun.


3. ‘YOU LOOK RIPE FOR MARRAIGE’

Why. Just Why. What were you hoping to get out of that line. I wouldn’t even say this to a friend, talk more of a stranger. Maybe it’s the word ‘Ripe’, I don’t know, sounds wrong. Ugh. The only relevance I have to you right now is my eligibility for marriage? Are you looking for a wife? If so, not the way to go. Next thing you know, he’s asking if you can cook and his expectations of you being a stay-at-home mum with 8 kids. Stay woke.


4. ‘YOU DRESS A WHOLE LOT DIFFERENTLY THAN I IMAGINED’

Okay Marc Jacobs, I see you. Designer shoes with a Notice-Me-Or-I-Will-Die watch. If we going to be friends, associates at least, you’d better get used to my go-to baggy shirts and jeans. A girl will tush it up when she needs to, go hard and come home to a well-deserved rest. I know my duty #slayallnightgang. But no way in hell am I sacrificing my comfort for your IMAGINATION. Idris Elba’s Imagination however……


5. ‘YOU WERE LOOKING AT ME’

No I wasn’t boo boo. I’m a shy girl, okay? In a room of people I don’t know, I find it easier to focus on a singular point rather than letting my gaze roam. And that point just happened to be above your head, directed at the picture behind you. You’re good-looking yes, but if i wanted to talk to you, I would have just talked to you. Ain’t nobody got time for those mind games. But now that you’re here, would you mind getting me a drink? I’ve been too lazy to stand.


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