African tradition dictates that breakfast on Saturday mornings are sacred, solely delegated to delicacies you usually don’t have time to enjoy during the week. You could have them on Sundays too, but let’s be honest, most of us are too busy getting ready for church #childofGod.
In our house, two dishes take the spotlight: Okpa (ground Bambara nuts cooked with red oil and seasoning) and Pap (bread boiled in milk). Not a fan of pap, but my close friends are aware that I’m a recovering Okpa addict. I take my rehab meetings very seriously and I’ve managed to drastically reduce my Okpa intake to just once a week.
Now, yours truly has been extremely good this week, eating only leaves and downing herbal concoctions like an alcoholic all to reward myself with 2 luscious globes of Okpa on Saturday. The Road to healing is Long and Narrow My Friends. There were close calls, but I managed to stand my ground against temptation and I was feeling really proud of myself.
So I guess you can understand my anger when, that fateful Saturday mornim, I came downstairs later on to find that THE OKPA THAT I WOKE UP AT 7AM TO BUY was gone. And I don’t mean ‘Oh dear, one of my okpa is missing’ gone. I’m talking ‘SOME BASTARD ATE BOTH AND DIDNT EVEN BOTHER TO HIDE THE EVIDENCE’ gone.
I know that neither of my parents nor siblings are suicidal enough to try such a thing, so of course that only left CHUDI (My cousin AKA Mass Comm Student AKA Patoranking Copycat AKA an all round goat). He’s probably going to feature a lot in my stories moving forward because wherever Chudi is, trouble follows. So remember him.
At this point, I tried to reason with myself, appeal to my better nature. Maybe I shouldn’t have left my precious Okpa blatantly on the kitchen table. I should have hidden it. Life in an African household has taught me better. I was naive. With this in mind, I decided to confront Chudi, with love, so that he could confess and I could forgive him magnanimously. Our short interaction went something like this:
CHUDI: Eh Ehn
ME: Did you touch the okpa on the table?
CHUDI: Me?! How can?!
THIS LYING *******
Okay, let me calm down enough to outline two points quickly:
1. When someone answers your question with a question, you know they’re lying.
2. Family members know each other so well that some of us have evolved to the point where we can have full conversations without saying a word.
So here we are, looking at each other, him knowing that I know that he did it, and I knowing that he knew that I knew he did it.
So, what to do about it….
Well The Lord always teaches us to forgive and carry on about our business with a song and a cheerful heart.
So I forgave him. Then I waited for him to leave and cheerfully made my way into his bathroom, towards his bath gel with a tin of pepper.
In the wonderful words of Doris Day, Que Sera, Sera. Whatever will be, will be.
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