Expect a total lifestyle change when you attend Nigerian Boarding Schools. They have a way of promoting a primal, almost savage nature in students. I never went to one, but luckily I have a lot of friends who did & they were kind enough to feed me enough stories that I was able to narrow down this list to 7 fine points.

1. RESUMPTION DAY. There’s nothing more painful than the day when you have to leave the comfort of your home only to return back to the suffering that is the boarding house. You already know that wicked senior is waiting for you, to update you on your slave duties for the new term.

2. EVIL SENIORS. Wicked, all of them. You can’t help but hate them, especially since they seem to be an integral part of boarding life. However, the good thing is, when they finally leave, you get to move up the food chain & become an evil senior to some poor, unsuspecting junior. The culture must continue.

3. UGLY HOSTEL WEAR. Unless you fit them yourself, most hostel wear are as baggy as they come. Talk more of being in the most unflattering style and colour. Thank God at least our school didn’t have that ugly checkered pattern that was trending back then. Nothing you can do about it sha #itiswhatitis

4. GETTING YOUR CLOTHES STOLEN. Did I not tell you boarders were savages? You’ll hang up your clothes (which you wrote your name on) up to dry, naively thinking you’ve outsmarted the wayo spirit in your dorm mates, only to come back later to find out that they’ve disappeared. RIP to school ties. They’re always the 1st to go.

5. WHEN IT’S TIME FOR SUNDAY FRIED RICE. The fried rice and chicken almost makes up for all the rubbish you endured during the week. Almost. No amount of chicken can make up for the beating you received earlier at Senior Amara’s hand. So please, enjoy the food & try not to think about the homework you haven’t completed for tomorrow’s class.

6. VISITING DAY. What do we look forward to the most on visiting days? PROVISIONS! *cough* I mean, getting to see your family members again, even if it’s for a short while. But still sha, secure your allowance. Also, don’t forget to report that evil senior to your parents. One good turn deserves another.

7. WHEN IT’S TIME FOR SOCIALS. The time where madness reigns. That’s how we day students will hear the next day that somebody broke leg jumping from a balcony while escaping from the Night Prep Prefect. People need to de-stress somehow.

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