1. ‘IT’S NOT ME, IT’S YOU’. Yei, my heart. No, I’m 80% sure it’s you. In fact, it’s not me that’ll punish you. My God will judge you.
2. ‘I WISH WE COULD ALWAYS BE TOGETHER’. I don’t understand. Are we not together already? Did we split up without me knowing? You cunning psycho.
3 ‘YOU’RE NOT MY TYPE’. Why did you date me then? Was I just a typographical error to you? The audacity. Darling let me just say, your protruding forehead isn’t desirable to anyone.
4. ‘I NEED SPACE’. How much space are we talking about exactly? Centimetres? Miles? Talk to me boo boo. We aim to please.
5. ‘I WILL ALWAYS LOVE YOU’. If you love me, then stay. Are you planning to carry our love & give another person? Mad things.
6. ‘I NEED TO GET MYSELF TOGETHER’. Together with who? That girl you’ve been seeing behind my back abi? Your papa.
7. ‘I NEED SOME TIME TO THINK ABOUT US’. I’m giving you exactly 2 seconds to retract that statement. You see, I can be reasonable.
8. ‘YOU DESERVE BETTER’. You didn’t realise this after wasting my time for 6 months? I must waste your own abeg #pettygang
9. ‘LET’S FIND OURSELVES & SEE WHAT HAPPENS NEXT’. I’m confused. Are we lost? Did we lose each other? Who’s going to find you? Your side babe abi? Collect thunder.
10. ‘YOU REMIND A LOT OF MY EX’. Oga, see, if you’re going to break up with me, just break up with me. Don’t insult me on top.
SIDE NOTE: Which lines have you used?
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