One finds it easy to lose their self in horror films. But if you watch closely, you’ll find that certain deaths and accidents could have been avoided if characters didn’t make certain mistakes.
1. WALKING TOWARDS A WEIRD NOISE
You’re obviously alone at home, at night, & you start to hear a scraping sound coming from the back of the house. What do you do? Oyibo people will form brave and brandish a flash light, just to go trapezing around in the dark to discover the source of the noise. We know better. Me, I won’t even wait for the noise to finish. I’m already out the door with my phone & wallet. It’s not me that you’ll kill. The police can handle this one.
2. CLOSING YOUR EYES IN THE SHOWER
Anyone who does this deserves to die honestly. What are you closing your eyes for anyway? No bath is that relaxing. The minute you close your eyes, your village people will send every sort of ogbanje imaginable, that have been on pause, to tickle and stab you to death. Well at least the running water will help wash away any signs of your gruesome murder.
3. BUYING A ROCKING CHAIR
Name one horror film you know where the ghost didn’t appear or possess a rocking chair. That creepy, creaking sound it makes in the dead of night is enough to raise my blood pressure. And they always place it in the corner of the room! Why?! So that I have no route of escape when a ghost comes barrelling towards me from the open door of course.
4. SPLITTING UP
Never, ever, EVER do this. They always did this in Scooby Doo and look at how that turned out. There’s always strength in numbers. Again, na only oyibo people dey do this one. We’re in a haunted house & we’re supposed to stick together, then one ITK person like that will say, ‘You know what guys? How about we split up?‘ How about your parents split up, how about that?
5. CREEPY DOLLS
That doll will always be possessed. And guess what? It’ll get you killed. Look at Chucky. Look at Annabelle. Sometimes, at least, these dolls will have scary as F names that would put any sane person off buying them. But if my friend brought back a doll, whose eyes were missing & it was carrying a knife, to our house, best believe I’m kicking her out because I cannot abide stupidity. If you want to die, die alone. No involve me.
People never learn. You’re washing your hands in a creepy bathroom AND YOU LOOK DOWN! WHY?! You then look up to see a weird reflection of yourself or of some stranger that doesn’t follow the natural laws of physics. Do you run? No, you stay to admire your gorgeous self/the handsome stranger. And what happens? A hand reaches out from the mirror to either choke you to death or to drag you through the mirror to hell. You only have yourself to blame.
7. HANGING YOUR FEET & ARMS OVER THE EDGE OF YOUR BED
Even I know not to do this. You don’t know what type of demonic entity is lurking underneath your bed, waiting to drag you into its realm. And that’s the best case scenario. Worst case? The monster ends up ripping your extremities clean off & you bleed to death on your bedroom floor. Thank goodness I baptise my bed & the surrounding environment with holy water before I sleep.
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