The 4 Stages Of A Cash Crunch

Hi everyone. Lord it’s been a hot minute, hasn’t it? Haven’t really posted anything in a week, due in part personal tragedies and the like. But as with life, we have to push forward and what better cure for sorrow than comedy, am I right?

How are you all? Feeling a bit low on cash? Don’t worry, these are dark times we find ourselves in. Everything is going to hell. Elevated fuel & food prices, riots & protests putting businesses at risk and so on. It’s no wonder our finances are taking hits left, right and center. I understand. But everyone’s problems have different levels. Some people might be feeling the pinch a lot more than others would. Even still, we all have to go through the same 4 stages.

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1. STAGE 1: DENIAL

You’ve just made a payment. You’re feeling nice & good about your purchase. Then a debit alert comes in, and you notice that the amount in your bank account is far less than what you assumed it was. At this point, you decide to deploy the ‘Out of Sight, Out of Mind‘ strategy. Don’t think too much about it. Just go home, relax, take a nap. By the time you wake up, your account would have replenished itself…………..Keep dreaming. If you like, continue buying Coldstone Ice-cream & be deceiving yourself.

2. STAGE 2: PANIC

You can’t deny the truth any longer. YOU ARE BROKE. BROKE I SAY, WITH A CAPTIAL B. What, you think you can defend yourself with only N5K in your account? Once you accept your reality and see the light, you start trying to find alternative sources of income. If Hushpuppi can do it, so can you. I mean, he managed to survive for so long without getting caught right? No? Fine, we’ll go with the responsible route. Your brother in law is looking for someone to manage his Pure Water business abi? *sigh* Desperate times call for desperate measures.

3. STAGE 3: RECKLESSNESS

I guess the Pure Water gig didn’t work out. Don’t worry, you weren’t made for hard labor anyway. Why should you stress yourself? Did you come into this life to suffer? No boo boo, you plan to go out with a bang. Your favorite phrases at this point would include such of the following: ‘If I Die, I Die‘, ‘It Is What It Is‘ etc. So live your life to the fullest. Order that pizza, buy that handbag, gamble away your meager savings on NairaBet. Don’t hesitate or overthink, just spend and live in the moment. What’s the worst that could happen?

4. STAGE 4: SUFFERING

Well the worst has finally happened. Time to die. You were too busy enjoying yourself that you didn’t notice your bank balance tilting towards negative. Just know that you’re not going anywhere for a while. Coupons and discount codes are now your best friends. In fact, it might be time to start considering which of your belongings you’re planning to sell off first. I’d recommend the couch. You don’t need a couch, you have a bed……….might need to sell off the bed frame too……..Hmmn, to rephrase that, you don’t need a couch, you have a mattress & mattresses are very versatile. You can take this time to re-evaluate your life choices, until you come into some money again and repeat this whole cycle. Happy spending.


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