1. ANYTHING TRIGGERS YOUR SHOPPING INSTINCT. Heartbreak, going to a new restaurant, even funerals, it doesn’t matter; you need a new outfit for every occasion. I daresay you value your purchases a lot more than you value the people around you. Who needs wholesome relationships? A relationship can’t keep you dry during a rainy day the way a Chanel umbrella would. Priorities.
2. YOU’RE A HOARDER. Aunty, you still want to go shopping? Even when your cupboard doors can’t close properly anymore due to all the purchases you stuffed in there over the week? Clothes that YOU HAVEN’T EVEN WORN YET? At least take off the price tags. Later you’ll come and say that you have nothing to wear.
3. YOU SHOP FOR OTHER PEOPLE. Why spend your money when you could spend someone else’s? The thrill is almost the same and you get to indulge in your addiction *sorry* hobby responsibly. This way, your bank account isn’t screaming at you, you won’t get tempted to overspend and some random person who was too lazy to do their own bloody shopping gets a guinea pig for free. A win-win for everyone.
4. YOU CAN NEVER HAVE ENOUGH OF ONE THING. Yessss sis, max out that card, get that top in eight different colors. Try to think of it as making an investment. Not only are you ensuring no article of clothing goes to waste, but you’re also ensuring that you’ll be prepared to take whatever life throws at you. Coffee stain on your white suede jacket? Don’t worry about it! You have 3 more identical ones at home. Besides, isn’t it cheaper buying in bulk than getting just the one thing?
5. YOU CAN’T RESIST SALES. You will shop for anything. And I do mean ANYTHING. Doesn’t matter whether you need it or not, or if you’ll ever use it. As soon as you see a SALES sign, your body starts vibrating. ‘What’s that? A dog bed for only $500 AND it’s 70% off?! Getting it! Oh wait, I don’t have a dog…….It’s fine, I might get one in the future. One never knows. Best buy it now while it’s still cheap’.
6. YOU’RE ALWAYS WAITING FOR A PACKAGE. I bet by now you already have a custom waybill number unique only to you. You’re a VVIP customer at most stores. All the major motor parks and delivery companies know you by sight. You’re even on a first name basis with the DHL delivery guy. And it’s not just a few boxes. We’re talking between 7-19 boxes. Best believe you’re also on that Next Day Delivery ish because you don’t like to be kept waiting.
On a side note, who else loved the movie ‘Confessions Of A Shopaholic‘ when they were younger? Forever a classic.
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