It’s that time of the week again. StoryTime! If you’re new to this segment, StoryTime is a part of my blog, posted every Friday, where I relate the random experiences, mine or otherwise, that may or may not be fictional. Your job is to decide which is which.
DISCLAIMER: CHARACTER NAMES AND PLACES MAY BE ALTERED FOR THE PURPOSE OF THIS SEGMENT. ANY SIMITLARITIES BETWEEN SAID CHARACTERS AND REAL LIFE INDIVIDUALS ARE COMPLETELY COINCEDENTAL.
On today’s edition, we have a treat. A friend of mine read my last StoryTime, loved it & then tried to put my deductive skills to the test. She told me a story, a wonderful story, concerning a guy she once dated. I failed the test, so I guess I’m not the Sherlock Holmes I thought I was. I asked & received her permission to to use her tale for this week’s StoryTime. Let’s begin!
Now we’ve all been on dates. Some good, some bad and some just so ugly that we’ve had to mentally delete all memories of it. My friend (we’ll call her Sam) was casually minding her business in a store when this random guy bumps into her. She spills the contents of her bag on the floor & he at once goes to pick them up. As he hands over her stuff, she gets a good look at him: Ruggedly handsome, well dressed, good posture, no noticeable defects. Already she starts mentally planning out their wedding and honeymoon arrangements because the husband market is diminishing & one must secure a boo before the holiday season (you do not need the stress of African Aunties).
They engage in some small talk, in which she finds out that not only is he a doctor, but he’s single and searching (que Wedding bells). So Sam, being the smart girl that she is, starts laying on the charm really thick and pretty soon, he’s asking her out on a date for that evening. She’s ecstatic and leaves him with her number. The date goes well. So well that before long, he’s asking her out on a second date, a third, fourth…..and pretty soon, baby girl changes her relationship status from SINGLE to TAKEN B*****S!
As they get to know each other, she notices that her new boo is adverse to PDA and avoids most expressions of love between them, which he labels as ‘Carnal Desires‘. It doesn’t matter to her, she just believes that he’s taking things slow. One day, Boo Boo informs her that his church is hosting a youth awareness event and that he would really appreciate it if she would come with him. ‘Ahhh‘ she thinks, ‘It makes sense now. He’s a religious one. That’s why he’s been acting that way‘. She accepts, because what else says commitment than a man trying to integrate you into his church life?
So D day arrives and Sam shows up in a sheer, knee length body-con gown that basically says ‘We hoe, but we make it holy‘. Boo Boo had already texted, telling her to save them seats at the front of the hall because he had to prepare for something. My girl is here thinking that he’s planning to propose, so she confidently struts in, plunks herself on a seat and starts to practice her ‘Oh my God, I never expected this!‘ face.
The event starts, opening prayers are said, praise and worship songs are being sung and still Boo Boo hasn’t shown up. It’s almost time for the main talk, and just as Sam is thinking that Boo Boo has stood her up, the host announces that they will be hearing from a guest speaker, and guess who walks out on stage, looking as confident as St Peter? His Holy Reverence, Pastor Boo Boo himself. Yes, he’s a church leader and yes, he hid that from her. And what was the topic of his talk? ‘The Evils Of Fornication‘.
To say that Sam was mortified is an understatement. Pastor Boo Boo proceeded to recount details of every date they had ever been on, highlighting situations where Satan tried to entrap him with ‘the lures of the flesh‘, which I assume meant kissing, touching and The Devil’s Tango itself. He didn’t mention Sam specifically, but he kept making eye contact with her through the whole thing, so it wouldn’t take a genius to put 2 and 2 together. My guy now had the impetus to say that resisting the advances of his girlfriend enabled him to attain a higher level of spirituality. He then finished with the following statement: ‘Abstinence is the greatest aphrodisiac‘. I need to make that into a T shirt.
Boo Boo then heads off the stage and makes for the vacant seat Sam had saved for him. But he doesn’t see Sam. Sam is gone. As if she’s stupid enough to seat beside him and act all loving after that speech. I admire the fact that he was delusional enough to believe that he still had a girlfriend after pulling that stunt. To this day, my girl still hangs that sheer dress as a reminder to herself to be wary of any guy who invites her to a church event. Once bitten, twice shy as they say.
So, what do you think? Truth or Fiction?
THANKS FOR READING!!
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