To my fellow Harry Potter & Pottermore associates, I greet you. How did you find the weekend? Nah, I don’t care, let’s talk about me. I enjoyed my weekend, particularly as I spent a good chunk of it reliving youthful memories by watching old movies. I managed to get as far as the 4th HP movie before I succumbed to absolute laziness and it got me thinking: Imagine if we had a School of Witchcraft & Wizardry in Nigeria? Regardless of the fact that the government would find some way to turn that fantasy into an ill-managed nightmare, we have multiple Juju masters all over the country who are always ready to take on new initiates. So, being the sweet person that I am, I decided to come up with my own quiz, to act as a guide to point you towards which Juju faction would suit you best. You will be sorted into the following 4 houses accordingly:
- Founding Member: The main sugar mummy of Juju herself, Patience Ozokwor
- Specialty: Poisoning and Sowing Discord
- Target: Orphans and Young women, especially daughter in laws
- Motto: I Will Die Before I Let You Marry My Son
- Founding Member: HRH Kananyo O Kananyo, king of all things Occult
- Specialty: Human Sacrifices and Money Rituals
- Target: Doesn’t discriminate. Attacks everyone and anything that moves
- Motto: What’s life Without Money?
- Founding Member: Chiwetel Agu, Certified Trouble Maker
- Specialty: Incantations and Nonsensical Proverbs
- Target: People who own large plots of land
- Motto: Get Others To Do Your Dirty Work
- Founding Member: Tony Umez, The Most Susceptible Mumu
- Specialty: ……………..Not a damn thing. Henchman central
- Target: All members of this house are targets honestly
- Motto: Being A Mumu Is Not A Sin
Option A = 1 point, Option B = 2 points, Option C = 3 points
1. You’re taking a walk & you come across a wallet on the floor. What do you do?
- A. Leave it alone and walk on. You know better.
- B. Poke it with a stick and wait for some time to see if it’s safe to pick up.
- C. Grab it immediately. You don’t care if you turn into a pigeon.
2. Your friend took the meat from your plate without permission. What do you do?
- A. Admonish him gently and ask for it back.
- B. Take something else of theirs that they value more.
- C. Say nothing because you plan to poison them later.
3. Where do you feel the most comfortable?
- A. Near a body of water (Mami Water Vibes).
- B. In a forest (Babalawo Chills)
- C. At home (Your Personal Shrine)
4. What makes you happy?
- A. Nothing. You were never really happy to begin with.
- B. Seeing other people suffer. Who says revenge isn’t sweet?
- C. Being better than everyone else. It’s so tiring suppressing your brilliance.
5. If you received supernatural powers suddenly, who would you use your powers to get rid of first?
- A. Your friend who borrowed money from you and never paid you back.
- B. That one, annoying busy body in your life
- C. A rich relative of yours, so you can get your hands on their property
6. You enter into a forbidden forest and 3 items are placed before you. Which one would you choose?
- A. A stack of cowry necklaces
- B. A calabash containing a deep red liquid
- C. A wooden tray loaded with cash
7. You find yourself in desperate need of money. What do you do?
- A. Sell one of your organs. You can survive with just one kidney.
- B. Have a one night stand with a rich sugar daddy/mummy. Eat their children’s school fees.
- C. Use your friend for money ritual. What are friends for?
8. What role would you rather play in a Nollywood thriller?
- A. The head cultist aka the person that leads the innocent main character astray.
- B. The Sacrificial lamb/the mumu/the innocent character that turns to a life of sin to solve their problems.
- C. The pastor. Someone has to deliver the sinners at the end of the movie.
9. The love of your life is in love with someone else. What do you do?
- A. Let them be. Hopefully they’ll realize their true feelings & come back to you.
- B. Try to sabotage the relationship. If you can’t have them, no one can.
- C. Slip them a love potion which you’ll have to re-administer every 2 years. Love is eternal.
10. Which of these statements can you relate to the most?
- A. ‘Everything will work itself out in the end’
- B. ‘If you had been rich, none of this would have happened’
- C. ‘You should have killed them when you had the chance’
11. Which of the following traits do you hate the most?
- A. Stupidity
- B. Poverty
- C. Baseless Optimism
Okay, so tally up your points and let’s see which Juju house is lucky to have you!
11 – 16 Points: House Umez
17 – 22 Points: House Agu
23 – 28 Points: House Ozokwor
29 – 33 Points: House Kananyo
THANKS FOR READING!!
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