The Sorting Hat Quiz: Naija Version

To my fellow Harry Potter & Pottermore associates, I greet you. How did you find the weekend? Nah, I don’t care, let’s talk about me. I enjoyed my weekend, particularly as I spent a good chunk of it reliving youthful memories by watching old movies. I managed to get as far as the 4th HP movie before I succumbed to absolute laziness and it got me thinking: Imagine if we had a School of Witchcraft & Wizardry in Nigeria? Regardless of the fact that the government would find some way to turn that fantasy into an ill-managed nightmare, we have multiple Juju masters all over the country who are always ready to take on new initiates. So, being the sweet person that I am, I decided to come up with my own quiz, to act as a guide to point you towards which Juju faction would suit you best. You will be sorted into the following 4 houses accordingly:

Continue reading “The Sorting Hat Quiz: Naija Version”

My Top 4 Worst Movies Of 2020

Each and everyone of us has that particular movie that we just love to hate. In my case, I’ve got four; all wonderfully bad, downright laughable and an utter waste of time (I still recommend you watch them though. They’re amusing at best). Because I’m such a wonderful person (No I’m not. I simply refuse to suffer through these alone. I wasted precious data and hours of my life that I will never get back), you all will be subjected to short rants outlining my qualms about each movie. Let’s begin.

Continue reading “My Top 4 Worst Movies Of 2020”

StoryTime: To Date Or Not To Date

It’s that time of the week again. StoryTime! If you’re new to this segment, StoryTime is a part of my blog, posted every Friday, where I relate the random experiences, mine or otherwise, that may or may not be fictional. Your job is to decide which is which.

DISCLAIMER: CHARACTER NAMES AND PLACES MAY BE ALTERED FOR THE PURPOSE OF THIS SEGMENT. ANY SIMITLARITIES BETWEEN SAID CHARACTERS AND REAL LIFE INDIVIDUALS ARE COMPLETELY COINCEDENTAL.

On today’s edition, we have a treat. A friend of mine read my last StoryTime, loved it & then tried to put my deductive skills to the test. She told me a story, a wonderful story, concerning a guy she once dated. I failed the test, so I guess I’m not the Sherlock Holmes I thought I was. I asked & received her permission to to use her tale for this week’s StoryTime. Let’s begin!

Continue reading “StoryTime: To Date Or Not To Date”

Women: What We Say Vs What We Really Mean

1. LESSON One (A true classic, if I do say so myself)

  • What We Say: ‘It’s Fine
  • What We Really Mean: It’s not fine o. Don’t let this my calm voice deceive you. We must have a long conversation about this matter. And don’t start asking me JAMB questions about what you did. You should already know.

2. LESSON 2

  • What We Say: ‘I’m Not Hungry’
  • What We Really Mean: I’m not hungry AT THE MOMENT, but I may be hungry later on, so I wouldn’t say no to your offer. However, I don’t want to seem like a pig, so I’ll hold myself.
Continue reading “Women: What We Say Vs What We Really Mean”

8 Audacious Nigerian Church Names

When I tell you that I spent a good, solid 20 minutes looking through these and giggling my ass off. You’re in for a treat today. Have a look.

1. JESUS ELECTIONS MINISTRIES

This church is basically a training ground for future politicians and aspiring government officials. The pastors here would like to remind you that yes, Jesus did run campaigns and yes, he was very successful and well liked during his 3 year tenure. However, all good things must come to an end as he was cruelly betrayed by one of his cabinet members, Judas. But not to worry, Our Lord outsmarted them all and obtained the highest position in heaven. So fear not politics for it is in the hands of The Almighty.

Continue reading “8 Audacious Nigerian Church Names”