7 Stupid Mistakes People Make In Horror Movies

One finds it easy to lose their self in horror films. But if you watch closely, you’ll find that certain deaths and accidents could have been avoided if characters didn’t make certain mistakes.

1. WALKING TOWARDS A WEIRD NOISE

You’re obviously alone at home, at night, & you start to hear a scraping sound coming from the back of the house. What do you do? Oyibo people will form brave and brandish a flash light, just to go trapezing around in the dark to discover the source of the noise. We know better. Me, I won’t even wait for the noise to finish. I’m already out the door with my phone & wallet. It’s not me that you’ll kill. The police can handle this one.

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The Wonderful Characteristics Of A Nigerian Wedding

Weddings are a whole other affair in Nigeria. And it wouldn’t be a Nigerian wedding if the following factors didn’t come into play.

1. LATENESS

It specifically says on the invite that the ‘Reception Starts at 1pm‘. What time do guests start arriving? 3 – 4pm. Everyone wants to be fashionably late. Even the wedding party itself will be late. I once went to a wedding where the bridal party arrived so late that the party Jellof rice had decongealed back to plain white rice & red stew. The only people that do come early are the caterers and the decorators. They don’t need anyone stressing their lives about being on time. Me, I come early to secure my parking space & a prime seat next to the buffet table. Priorities.

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Awkward Situations We’ve All Experienced

1. WHEN YOU’RE WATCHING A MOVIE WITH YOUR PARENTS & A LOVE SCENE COMES ON. I see nothing, I hear nothing, I know nothing.

2. WHEN IT’S ALL QUIET IN A CROWDED ROOM & YOUR STOMACH DECIDES TO START GROWLING. Personally I find that a quick punch to the gut solves this problem

3. WAVING AT SOMEONE YOU THOUGHT WAS WAVING AT YOU, BUT IT TURNS OUT THEY WERE WAVING AT THE PERSON BEHIND YOU. Pretend like you never waved in the 1st place. Dignity restored.

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Disney Princesses &Their Quirks

To qualify as a Disney Princess, there are some requirements that would need to be met. The ability to sing on que, to talk to animals, to be fashionably well kept at all times & to hunt for a man *cough* I mean, to find your one true love aka your prince charming. I think there are about 15 Disney Princesses in total, but I’m only going to touch briefly on a few of my favourites.

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Bible Verses & Humour

Ever come across a particular verse while reading your Bible that tickled your funny bone? Sometimes not in a ‘HA HA‘ kind of way, but in a ‘Lol, didn’t expect that‘ sort. Here are a few of my all time favourites.

1. Deuteronomy 25:11-12 – ‘If 2 men are fighting & the wife of one of them comes to his rescue by seizing the private parts of his opponent, cut off her hand and show her no mercy’. Sounds a bit harsh, but I guess a male’s genitals were a lot more sacred back then. Why cut it off though? So she wouldn’t be tempted to recount the graphic details of said genitals to the other females in the camp?

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Top 10 Worst Break Up Lines

1. ‘IT’S NOT ME, IT’S YOU’. Yei, my heart. No, I’m 80% sure it’s you. In fact, it’s not me that’ll punish you. My God will judge you.

2. ‘I WISH WE COULD ALWAYS BE TOGETHER’. I don’t understand. Are we not together already? Did we split up without me knowing? You cunning psycho.

3 ‘YOU’RE NOT MY TYPE’. Why did you date me then? Was I just a typographical error to you? The audacity. Darling let me just say, your protruding forehead isn’t desirable to anyone.

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