The 4 Stages Of A Cash Crunch

Hi everyone. Lord it’s been a hot minute, hasn’t it? Haven’t really posted anything in a week, due in part personal tragedies and the like. But as with life, we have to push forward and what better cure for sorrow than comedy, am I right?

How are you all? Feeling a bit low on cash? Don’t worry, these are dark times we find ourselves in. Everything is going to hell. Elevated fuel & food prices, riots & protests putting businesses at risk and so on. It’s no wonder our finances are taking hits left, right and center. I understand. But everyone’s problems have different levels. Some people might be feeling the pinch a lot more than others would. Even still, we all have to go through the same 4 stages.

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How To Spot A First Time Baller

Money is sweet. Those who’ve always had it sometimes take it for granted. For those that just came into a large ass sum of money for the first time in their lives, there are certain signs you can use to pick them out.

1. NEW PERSONA

First, replace your accent. The only acceptable accents would be an American one or a British one. Next to go? Your name. Chukwuma is dead, you will now be reborn as Damien. Damien Eze. Dammy for short. Mama Put stalls are now beneath you, it’ll be expensive restaurants and lounges from now on. Now how would you like your drink sir? Shaken Not Stirred? Excellent choice. And your car? Scrap that economic Nissan for a bright red Maserati. You deserve it.

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