StoryTime: Shopping Shenanigans

It’s that time of the week again. StoryTime! If you’re new to this segment, StoryTime is a part of my blog, posted every Friday, where I relate the random experiences, mine or otherwise, that may or may not be fictional. Your job is to decide which is which.

DISCLAIMER: CHARACTER NAMES AND PLACES MAY BE ALTERED FOR THE PURPOSE OF THIS SEGMENT. ANY SIMITLARITIES BETWEEN SAID CHARACTERS AND REAL LIFE INDIVIDUALS ARE COMPLETELY COINCEDENTAL.

For this StoryTime, we’re going to be talking about a topic so controversial, so thought-provoking, so outlandish…..yes that’s right, I’m talking about Shopping!………Don’t give me that look okay? Shopping is a very stressful, serious business, ill-fitted for the faint of heart. So get off your high horse and have a read. Let’s see if you can make the right deduction this time round.

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12 Things I Want For Christmas

Don’t you just love the festive season? Already the lights and trees are up, the snow is…….Sorry, for a minute I forgot where I was. I meant the sun is brighter and hotter than usual and people are walking around deceiving themselves that they’re better people when come January, they’ll revert back to their original mumu nature (But that’s a story for another time. Let’s press on). When I was younger, I used to write out Christmas lists to Santa Claus (aka My parents. My father was Santa, my mum was Claus. I wasn’t stupid. I knew how these things worked). I was always frugal with my wishes (good child things) because I knew they would most likely be granted if they were reasonable enough. But now, screw reason. I’m an adult. I can finally get whatever I want because I just found out that Santa is real! Lord do I plan to suck the man dry. Years of suppression and rubbish gifts have led me to this golden moment. What do I need again? Oh yeah, pen…check, paper…check, envelope…check, postage stamps…check, dignity and self restraint………..b***h please. On to my list!

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6 Signs That You’re A Shopaholic

1. ANYTHING TRIGGERS YOUR SHOPPING INSTINCT. Heartbreak, going to a new restaurant, even funerals, it doesn’t matter; you need a new outfit for every occasion. I daresay you value your purchases a lot more than you value the people around you. Who needs wholesome relationships? A relationship can’t keep you dry during a rainy day the way a Chanel umbrella would. Priorities.

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